


September 18

by PaisleyHearts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 22:38:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2325725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaisleyHearts/pseuds/PaisleyHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>September 18th is the most important day in dean' and Castiel's lives</p>
            </blockquote>





	September 18

Dean is four when his mother tells him, "angels are watching over you, baby" like a soft kiss on his temple every night at bedtime. It's something he's gotten used to, like the tone of his mother's off-key singing and knows it's part of a routine. He doesn't take in the words but he remembers that they are said.

Dean is twenty-six when a man (or former man) struts with sparks filling the space and the shadows of wings flood his vision. This being's voice almost bursts his ear drums earlier and there is only one question left after the not so casual introductions. Why me?

Dean is twenty-seven when the world truly falls apart for the first time. There was a brilliant light and a claim that he could hold them all off. Only Dean comes back to find that Cas is dead and something breaks inside of him. It doesn't make sense because he has only known this not-human for a few months and shouldn't care. But he does.

Dean is twenty-eight when he knows what it is to love unconditionally. There's a bitter taste of betrayal and abandonment on his tongue and the heat of a holy fire not 2 feet away. And there he is, standing there, and meeting everyone's suspicions. He believed in the angel's good so much, that there was no room for suspicion despite logic. And now, with that admittance up in the air, Dean can't breathe. He's willing to do everything he can in order to erase all of this. Today is the day that Dean is powerless.

Dean is twenty-nine when grief cannot be drowned by alcohol. He can drink too much and embarrassingly admit the turmoil inside to Sam and have nightmares, or he cannot drink and grieve over how powerless he was to save one of the few people left on this planet that he cares for. And he wishes that seeing the only person he allows to betray him over and over again doesn't make something flutter inside. Yet, there he is, not a drop of recognition in his eyes. Dean thinks this might be the time where he can start all over again.

Dean is thirty when he convinced himself that he let his best friend down. Because he's used to failure and disappointing the world. Because it's so much easier than thinking that the guy that he loves oh so much would rather be somewhere that is not with him. It all leaves a scabbing hole in his heart that he is yet to learn how to mend.

Dean is thirty-one when his angel turns human and there's absolutely nothing he can do but keep him away because it's the safest thing for his baby brother. He's tired of having to look out for everyone but knows that it's the only job that he's good at. The world teeters from shoulder to shoulder and he has no way of asking for help. Eventually, he is crushed.

Dean is thirty-two when he sets a fire and let's the world burn. Because what good is there to hunting when there are still going to be monsters like him going around doing whatever the hell they want? Everything from before seems like a blur and he lets all his inhibitions go with every step that he takes into darkness. There are times, in the quiet of the night, when he remembers a voice, deep and sorrowful, "I gave up everything, all of it, for you."

Dean is thirty-three when he threatens Cas with the blade gripped tight (his hands won't stop shaking). And instead of walking away, Cas comes forward and grips his face tight, something of a parallel to the way he held his soul, and just looks at him. "Come home Dean. We can fix this." Dean wants to repeat something from long ago, a memory that's almost not there, but he cannot bring himself to. Instead, he finally let's the guilt wash over his face and his tears burn.

Dean is thirty-four when he makes a promise of forever with a simple silver ring. He makes vows of "cursed or not" and "I'd rather be here with you". There is a future, much brighter than before that exist within his grasp. There is still something weary inside of him, against the happiness he has built. but there will always be someone to reassure him of the truth.


End file.
